OnlyAStoner

So, yesterday my sister and I went to visit our dad for Fathers Day.. Well it was great seeing him and all. Ya know, the usual shit happened, hugs, kisses, compliments on how we’ve developed as humans.. Well thats great, but… The wholle time I could only think.. Wow, I love my father to death, but can I ever really forgive him? See, he was given six months to live.. 9 months ago. Well, now I was given the information that he was given three months a few days ago. Now, I know morally, to ever actually love myself AND forgive myself, I’ll have to forgive him. But, I am not positive if thats possible right now. Don’t get me wrong I Love him.. But, Why? Why do I love the man who created me, waited till I was four then ran away till I was thirteen? Why the fuck do I even love him..? Am I wrong for these thoughts and/or feelings? I think not, but the brainwashed, bigoted society we all live in will. But this is my real issue.. I WANT to forgive the man who ran from his three young children in Georgia, to escape meth, and went to Ohio…. BUT, whilst there unintentionally killed himself eight years later from his excessive crack use while avoiding meth……. I’m so lost. I’m so confused. I’m dead.